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SWISS HABITS

The jokes that prove the Swiss have a sense of humour

The Swiss may not have a reputation for being funny but they actually have a great sense of humour. The Local compiled some jokes and funny quotes about Switzerland for our readers’ enjoyment.

Published: 5 February 2021 16:48 CET
Updated: 27 July 2023 10:10 CEST
A woman laughing
Is Switzerland funny? Yes! Photo by Jamie Brown on Unsplash

The Swiss have a reputation for being staid and humourless, but this stereotype – like many others in Switzerland – is not necessarily true.

Whether making the jokes themselves or hearing them from someone else, (most) Swiss people love a laugh at their own expense. 

Don’t believe us? Here are some jokes that even the Swiss will laugh at.

“What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?”

“Well, the flag is a big plus”.

A man carrying a big bag walks into a Swiss bank.

He goes up to the window and whispers to the teller: “I have one million francs in this bag.”

The teller says: “There’s no need to whisper, sir. Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of.”

During WW1, Switzerland had 250,000 soldiers.

The German Kaiser asked the Swiss ambassador in Berlin: “What would Switzerland do if I invaded with 500,000 soldiers?”

The ambassador replied: “Shoot twice and go home.”

NATO was planning to hold military exercises in Switzerland and asked the Swiss Army to borrow their tanks.

“Sure,” a Swiss General said. “Is one enough or do you need all two?”

An English boy, a French girl and a Swiss girl were discussing where babies come from:

“It’s the stork”, said the English boy, “he brings them in a sling”.

“Babies in France are found among the cabbages”, said the French girl. “How is it in Switzerland?”

“It depends on the canton”, the Swiss girl replied.

Two members of the Swiss army got into a knife fight…

Then a corkscrew fight, then a tweezer fight, then a bottle opener fight…

Why is Swiss cheese the official dairy product of the Vatican?

It’s the holiest of cheeses. 

A group of Swiss enjoy a joke and the nice weather. Image: AFP

Question: Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

Answer: In a Swiss bank account.

And: you know you’re Swiss when…

You spit out Belgian chocolate in disgust.

You make reservations to see a movie.

You’re surprised when you’re not delayed by roadworks. 

You think spontaneity is OK, but only if it’s planned.

You talk to your garden gnomes. 

You make an appointment to do your own laundry in your own apartment building. 

And here are some funny things famous people said about Switzerland.

“Switzerland would be a mighty big place if it were ironed flat.” — Mark Twain

“I don’t like Switzerland; it has produced nothing but theologians and waiters.” – Oscar Wilde

“Switzerland is a curst, selfish, swinish country of brutes, placed in the most romantic region of the world.” – Lord Byron

“Switzerland is a country where very few things begin, but many things end.  — F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Switzerland is a fine place to be born and die in, but what is there to do in between?” — Source unknown

Didn’t find any of these jokes funny? Well congratulations, your integration is complete!

Member comments

  3. “If opposites really DO attract, why doesn’t Switzerland have a second mountain called Doesn’t-Matter-horn ?”

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FOOD AND DRINK

‘Local and seasonal’: How the Swiss government wants you to eat

Switzerland’s population already enjoys one of the world’s highest life expectancies. But the government says a better diet can help them stay healthier even longer.

Published: 12 September 2024 10:59 CEST
'Local and seasonal': How the Swiss government wants you to eat

Switzerland’s last nutritional guidelines date back to 2011, so the Federal Food Safety Office (OSAV) and the Swiss Society for Nutrition (SSN) have updated their recommendations on Wednesday. 

“The new nutritional guidelines aim to promote health by prioritising fresh over processed foods,” the government said in a press release, adding that the emphasis is now more “on regional and seasonal products, whole grains, and plant-based protein sources.”

“A balanced diet contributes significantly to the prevention of overweight and obesity. It also reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes and cancer,” it added.

What’s different now?

The nutritional recommendations indicate the optimal energy and nutrient intake for healthy adults aged 18 to 65.

“While the diversity of foods has not changed much, some are now more prominent,” the government pointed out.

For example, vegetable protein sources, such as legumes, are more widely represented and appear at the same level as animal protein sources, such as meat or fish. As for the cereal products group, the emphasis is more on promoting whole grain products.

“It is still recommended to consume five portions of varied fruit and vegetables per day, favouring regional and seasonal products. Finally, the beverages group – and more particularly water – remains the most important group from a quantitative point of view, while sugary drinks, sweets and salty snacks are considered optional products in the daily diet.”

This is what the new Swiss food pyramid looks like, according to OSAV:

These are the main new recommendations for a healthy diet:

Drinks

One to two litres of (preferably water) each day

Fruits and vegetables

Five portions a day of seasonal produce

Cereal products

Three portions of whole grains 

Dairy products

Two to three portions each day, preferably unsweetened

Legumes (plant-based protein), eggs, and meat

One portion per day, varying the sources 

Seeds and oilseeds

Every day in small quantities

Oils and fats

Two tablespoons a day, preferably vegetable-based

Last but not least: what about sugary drinks, as well as sweets and salty snacks?

You know the answer already: Only occasionally and in small quantities (and yes, that includes chocolate).

But wait…what about exercise?

This particular information focuses on nutrition only.

But physical activity is also essential for good health and long life — especially in conjunction with a healthy diet.

To that end, the Federal Office of Public Health (FOPH) has published its own recommendations relating to exercise because “it is important for physical and mental well-being and performance capability across all age groups.”

You can see FOPH’s recommendations here.

READ ALSO: Why living in Switzerland can prolong your life
 

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