As most language learners will be aware, in French the title for men is Monsieur, while women can be referred to as Madame or Mademoiselle.
These can be used as both a title to talk about someone – eg Monsieur Mbappé, Madame Macron – or to address them directly, Bonjour Monsieur, Bonsoir Madame.
Adding a Monsieur/Madame after your greeting makes it a little more formal and respectful – you might therefore hear it used by young people when greeting an older person or in a formal setting such as a meeting.
Likewise referring to someone as ‘le monsieur’ is usually heard in customer service settings and indicates a little extra politeness – eg le monsieur a un rendez-vous – the gentleman has an appointment.
But when referring to women you have a choice of whether to use Madame or Mademoiselle.
Historically, this referred to a woman’s marital status – Madame was for married women, Mademoiselle was for unmarried women. In fact the word oiselle is an old-fashioned term meaning virgin
Men get called Monsieur whether they are married or not, because in patriarchal societies men don’t get defined by their marital status.
However the meaning of Madame has shifted in France, and since roughly the second half of the 20th century Madame began to become more about age than about marital status.
Mademoiselle came to be used more for girls and young women, and Madame for older women, and whether or not they were married.
However, within the last decade there has been another shift, with some people calling for Mademoiselle to be scrapped altogether, saying it is outdated and sexist. If men get a single title, why can’t women?
In 2012 the term Mademoiselle was officially banned from all legal forms in France and you will notice on an increasing number of websites the box for civilité (title) contains only options for monsieur or madame.
Communications from official bodies such as the préfecture refer to all women as Madame, while most commercial organisations (eg your bank) do too.
An increasing number of younger French women say that they dislike the term Mademoiselle.
Julie, a 26-year-old archaeology student, told The Local: “In the law it is forbidden to use Mademoiselle now, and I like it, we’re not completely there yet but we are getting used to it, and honestly it is much better Madame and Monsieur, otherwise if you want to use Mademoiselle, you have to use jeune-homme.
“When someone addresses me they use Mademoiselle with me, which most of the times I’m okay with, but sometimes you feel as if the person addressing you as Mademoiselle has a hidden and weird motive behind it, for example using it to flirt and it annoys me a lot.”
Louise, 32-year-old teacher, said: “I always use Madame, it allows me not to differentiate between women and men. Also it decreases the chances of assuming whether that person is married or not, or her age, or her looks.
“Some people address me as Madame and others as Mademoiselle but personally, I prefer Madame, I use Madame with everyone, even my young pupils, to eliminate the differentiation between them.'”
The term itself is not outlawed, however, and plenty of people do still use it, especially French people of the older generation.
It might also depend on the situation – for example a young waitress in a café could be referred to as Mademoiselle but if you’re talking to a younger work colleague you would more likely use Madame.
So which should you use?
Well in good news, being a foreigner gets you a certain leeway on French language battles – if you use Mademoiselle incorrectly and are speaking with a foreign accent, most French people will be more likely to assume that you have made a language mistake because you are foreign, rather than making an etiquette gaffe.
As outlined above; Mademoiselle is fine for children and teenagers while some women in their 20s, especially their early 20s, may not object to it.
You’ll also find demographic differences with older French people being more likely to use Mademoiselle widely.
If in doubt, however, it’s probably safer to use Madame.
Do you or your French friends/neighbours/colleagues use Mademoiselle? Share your experiences in the comments section below
I recently asked my French tutor about this very term as the exercise we were doing in an academic book (recent publication) named the girl (about 8) “madame”. He said even though she’s so young, the term is correct. Seems odd to my older ears. Mais, voilà !